Pain Hidden Deep, Very Deep
by Remo Con
Summary: This is a serious story...seriously the worst spoof you'll ever read. Starts of with an odd computer joke squashed in the middle is found a poke at Harry's love life, and ending with a song about Hermione and Severus. Can you handle the pain?


**_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or Greece...are we all in agreement on this?_**

**_Hello Random, My Name is Author_**

**First Story**

"Hello students and welcome to another year at Hogwarts!" Dumbledore said brightly. "As of today, we are going to totally disregard what happened last year" Murmurs of agreement filled the hall. No one was very happy at the way things had turned out.

"And we've added a computer lab in place of the Room of Requirement!" Clapping filled the hall, after all, it was muggle stuff. How much more could you want?

"To test it out for us we've asked Harry Potter-" Harry glared at him. "Well, as of now we've asked him to test out the computers for us!" More clapping followed that statement and Harry jumped up and rushed over to the table.

"Harry Potter, reporting for duty," he chirped. "Lead the way, or shall I go by myself, sir?"

"Well since the last book didn't happen," Dumbledore said thoughtfully. "You don't know where the room is so someone shall guide you. How about Professor Snape?"

"Sure," Harry said brightly. Snape stood up stiffly and grabbed the teen's arm. Grinning insanely Harry allowed himself to be dragged from the room.

They reached the computer lab as soon as they exited the room, after all, this is a story. Why should they have to embark on a long and perilous journey if there's no plot line?

"Get in Potter," Snape growled and shoved him in.

"Ooh," Harry said, his eyes widening. "Shiny!" And it was, the computers, spotless as they were glittered, blinding the boy. But as he has to burn them out later, his sight came back immediately. Harry sat down behind the first computer, turned it on and went online. And to his surprise someone has set the homepage for something called ". Curious, he went to the book section and saw something called "Harry Potter". Now really intrigued he clicked on that and what he found scarred him for life. It was stories about HIM, (oddly enough this is just one of those fics) how did these people know so much? He scrolled down the page and found something that sounded really horrifying. So of course he clicked on it.

"My eyes!" he howled seconds later. "My eyes!" Clutching the burnt cinders on his face that used to be eyes he ran from the room and out of the building to go live in some unknown region of the world as a monk. Now that is the end of Harry's part in this tale so back to Snape.

"Potter!" he bellowed. "What's going-" then he saw the computer. Curious, he sat down behind it and began to read. A moment later there was a soft thump as Snape's heart gave out from the shock and he fell to he floor. Of course at that moment the following people entered the room: Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Lucius and Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasly, Hermione Granger, Pansy Parkinson, Voldemort and Dumbledore. First Sirius read it; he went into shock and fell on top of Snape. Next was Remus, he read it and ran screaming from the roomsmack dab into Dobby. The two fell down several flights of stairs. Where they landed is still unknown. After Remus was Lucius who fell to the ground weeping after reading it. Then Draco who decided to go and join a group of tree-huggers and save the whales. Ron fell victim next, spontaneously combusting after reading the horrific material. Hermione's fate was sealed shortly after, unfortunately it was tied in with Pansy's. The two decided to get married and raise orphan hippogriffs. Voldemort went insane, finding solace in the corner, muttering nonsense to himself. Only Dumbledore lived to tell the tale with all his brains in tact. The story went something like this:

"Hello students and welcome to another year at Hogwarts!"

Just kidding, it actually it was more like this:

"Oh Draco," Harry said.

"Oh Severus," Draco said.

"Oh Lucius," Severus said.

"Oh Remus," Lucius said.

"Oh Sirius," Remus said.

"Oh Ron," Sirius said.

"Oh Hermione," Ron said.

"Oh Pansy," Hermione said.

"Oh Voldemort," Pansy said.

"Oh Dumbledore," Voldemort said.

"Oh shit," Dumbledore cursed. "We're out of people! Now what should we play?" They all shrugged. They end.

(Hehehe, what did you expect?)

**Next Story**

"I wuv you!" Harry flung himself at the tree. Voldemort blinked twice and then lightening struck the tree, thus electrifying Harry.

"My beloved!" Severus, Remus, Sirius, Draco, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Luna, and Dumbledore along with McGonagall and Flitwick , not to mention Hagrid, Lucius, Narcissa, Bellatrix, Nott, Avery, Dolhov, Macnair, Lestrange (both of them, the guys, you know, the brothers), Sinatra, Trewlany, Sprout, Victor, Quirrel, Lockhart, Moody, Tonks, Kingsley, Arthur Weasly, Molly, Bill, Charl i e, Percy, Fred, George, Dobby, Winky, Crouch (both of them), Bagman, Kakaroff, Krum, Cho, Fleur, Maxime, Cedric, Oliver Wood, Wormtail, James, Lily, Mr and Mrs Diggory, Flammel, Hannah Abbot, Neville, Frank and Alice, Grandmother Longbottom, Parvati, Lave n der, Dean, Seamus, Lee Jordon, Algelina Johnson, Warrington, Kaite Bell, Crabbe & Goyle, Blaise Zeboni, Padma, Collin & Dennis Creevy, Mundungus, Petunia, Vernon, Dudley Dursley, Sturgeous Podmore, Arabella Figg, Cornelius Fudge, Madame Bones, Susan Bones , Alicia Spinnet, Ernie Macmillan, Justin Finch-Fletchley, Anthony Goldstein, Michael Corner, Terry Boot, Zacharias Smith, Elphias Doge, Dedalus Diggle, Emmeline Vance, Hestia Jones and the rest of the freaking cast, shrieked, rushing forward.

"What?" They all bellowed, stopping and looking at each other.

"He's with you?" Severus and Remus and Sirius said confusedly.

"And you?" Draco, Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Luna said, just as confused.

"He's been playing us all!" Dumbledore, McGonagall, Flitwick, and Hagrid cried.

"No!" Lucius, Narcissa, Bellatrix, Nott, Avery, Dolhov, Macnair and all the Lestranges cried. "He loves me!"

"Bah!" Sinastra, Trewlany, Sprout, Victor, Quirrel, Lockhart and Moody snorted.

"Isn't he supposed to have defeated Voldmort?" Tonks, Kingsley, Arthur, Molly, Bill, Charlie, Percy, Fred, and George asked.

"Um, I believe so," Dobby, Winky, Crouch, Bagman, Kakaroff, Krum, Cho, Fleur and Maxime said thoughtfully.

"How could he do this to me!" Cedric, Oliver, Wormtail, James, Lily, Flammel, Hannah, Neville, Frank, and Alice cried.

"Noooo!" They all howled. Voldemort blinked again. The lightening hit him this time, as he suddenly died he had time for one last thought. _Maybe I shouldn't have blinked that time. _

**Next Story**

_Severus:_

_"Summer lovin'_

_Had me a chick"_

Hermione:

"Summer lovin'

With my teach"

_Severus:_

_"I met a girl who usually hated me"_

Hermione:

"Met a man (boy) evil as can be"

**Severus and Hermione:**

**"Summer vacation driftin' away**

**To uh-oh those summer nights."**

Slytherins:

"Tell me more, tell me more."

_Draco_

_"Did you get very far?"_

Gryffindors:

"Tell me more, tell me more."

**Harry:**

**"Like, does he have broom?"**

_Severus:_

_"She flew by me, got bumped by a strong wind."_

Hermione:

"He ran below me, saved my cat and trunk with me in."

_Severus:_

_"I saved her life, she nearly died."_

Hermione:

"He brought me in, brewed me a potion quick as can be."

**Hermione and Severus:**

**"Summer vaction, something's begun,**

**But uh-oh the summer nights."**

**Gryffindors:**

**"Tell me more, tell me more."**

**Ron:**

**"Was it love at first sight?"**

_Slytherins:_

_"Tell me more, tell me more."_

_Blaise:_

_"Did she put up a fight?"_

_Severus:_

_"Took her down to Leaky Cauldren for a drink or two."_

Hermione:

"We went strollin', drank butter beer."

_Severus:_

_"We made out under Black's nose."_

Hermione:

"We stayed out till ten o'clock."

**Severus and Hermione:**

**"Summer vaction don't mean a thing,**

**But uh-oh those summer nights."**

_Slytherins:_

_"Tell me more, tell me more."_

_Goyle:_

_"But you don't have to brag."_

**Gryffindors:**

**"Tell me more, tell me more."**

**Ginny:**

**"'Cause he sounds like a drag."**

Hermione:

"He got friendly, well for a bat."

_Severus:_

_"Got friendly down in Black's bed."_

Hermione:

"Was sweet, just turned thirty-five."

_Severus:_

_"Well she was good, you know what I mean."_

**Severus and Hermione:**

**"Summer heat, man and girl meet,**

**But uh-oh the summer nights."**

**Gryffindors:**

**"Tell me more, tell me more."**

**Neville:**

**"How much dough did he spend?"**

_Slytherins:_

_"Tell me more, tell me more."_

_Crabbe:_

_"Could she get me a friend?"_

Hermione:

"Train picked me up, that's where it ends."

_Severus:_

_"So I told her never talk to me again."_

Hermione:

'Then we made our final good-bye kiss."

_Severus:_

_"Wonder what she's if she's finished that report yet"_

**Severus and Hermione:**

**"Summer dreams, ripped at the seams,**

**But uh-oh those summer nights."**

After song:

"Hermione," Gryffindors whined. "Who is he?"

"Snape," she replied, smirking. All of Gryffindor died upon hearing that knowledge save her. So she jumped at the window and joined her class mates in the other world.

Slytherin dorms:

"Always knew bookworms had something hidden," Malfoy said smirking.

"You've no idea," Snape said, smirking back.

_**And here I end my quest for randomness...well, for now. Review me. Flames are welcome, my mind has melted, they won't offend me. So, dumb enough for you? Oh yah, lied about the summery, if you didn't notice. Hehe. Next chapter I might actually right the story, if I get enoguh reviews on this piece of crap.**_


End file.
